According to google, self-love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as desirable rather than narcissistic). Before I completely committed to loving myself more and working on becoming a better version of me, self-love looked like trips to the spa with my girlfriends, drinking wine under the sun and just having a good ol’ time with no worries but in the past three years I’ve learned that;
IT ISN’T ALWAYS PRETTY
We all admire those beautiful quotes on self-love and we love those photos of others in bubble baths with a glass of wine, a book in hand and just treating themselves to some quality me time. However, what no one shows you is that sometimes it can get ugly and brutal. Learning how to love yourself is not an easy job. It is a process that requires a lot of vulnerability, time, patience and raw complete honesty with yourself. Sometimes, you harbor so much pain and traumas from your past which prevents you from healing and growing as a person and this affects the way you look at yourself.
YOU WILL CHANGE
When you learn to truly love yourself, there are things that you will no longer tolerate or allow in your life. Essentially, you’ll want to become better, make your life better and want better people in your life. It’s as simple as that. You’ll rid yourself of old bad habits and learn new ways to care for you and your wellbeing. For example, learning to say no when you’re not comfortable with something, getting rid of the idea that you have to please everyone who comes into your life, changing your habits and the people you hang around.
FORGIVENESS IS KEY
I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of holding on to my past mistakes and those who hurt me. However, I noticed that this gave them power over me and even though some of them weren’t physically present in my life, they still held a space and the only way to release all that was through forgiving and letting that shit go. Was it easy? Uhm, are you kidding me? No, no it wasn’t but forgiving all the hurt from my past has really made a huge difference and I feel lighter.
FOCUSING ON YOU IS IMPORTANT
In our culture, there’s a lot of emphasis on romantic love. A lot of people think that finding the right partner will somehow make them “whole”, fill an inner void, and solve all of their problems which couldn’t be further from the truth. This is because even if you find the “perfect” match (and I use the term perfect loosely), when you’re filled with anger, pain and lack of trust from your past, you’ll most likely ruin a good relationship. So, fill your cup first! Take time to care for your mental, financial, physical and emotional health.